After treating alienated children for 3 decades, nothing I hear surprises me anymore.
I am including some of the more alarming and bizarre comments I have heard alienated children say to their alienated parent over the years. Some remarks had to be excluded because they are too offensive.
FURTHER READING: Manifestations of Alienated Children – As Seen by an Expert
Campaign of Denigration
5-Year-Old to Father, Who Is a Doctor
“You do not know what to do when I get sick, but my mom does.”
14-Year-Old to Mother, Who Is a Psychologist
“You have an anger-management problem; you are passive-aggressive; you should be your own patient, but you’ll never cure yourself; do your patients know how crazy you are?”
12-Year-Old to Mother
“Don’t you dare come near me. I order you not to touch me.”
6-Year-Old to Father
“My mommy says you are not the boss of me. I don’t have to listen to you. Everything with you is junk. I’ll be happy if you don’t pick me up anymore.”
5-Year-Old to Father
“My mommy doesn’t listen to you either. Mommy doesn’t care what you want. I hate you daddy; but not as much as mommy hates you.” (He then punched his father in the stomach.)
14-Year-Old Boy & 16-Year-Old Girl About Father
“You need to understand all the reasons why we hate him so much! We hated the trip he took us on to Hawaii. And then we hated going to Fiddler on the Roof.”
7-Year-Old Boy to Father
“You don’t treat me with love, so I don’t treat you with love.”
7-Year-Old to Father
“The babysitter said I am not allowed to talk to strangers so that’s why I hung up on you.”
15-Year-Old & 13-Year-Old Girls to Father
“The parenting books you are reading is like training manual that makes us feel like a dog.”
13-Year-Old & 16-Year-Old Boys to Mother
“We hate you. Go to hell! What is your problem? Are you sick in the f—ing head?”
12-Year-Old Girl to Mother
“You are a bitch, c–t, fatso, white trash, a piece of shit, and demented. You were worthless to me and my sister when I lived with you. That’s why I live with dad now. Get ready for my sister to come and live with us too.”
Two Teenage Girls to Father
Addressing their father by his first name, they declared to him, “Stop coming to pick us up for visits. We don’t want to see you. Mom already told you that. Get on with your life without us.”
3-Year-Old Girl to Mother
“My daddy says you are not my mommy. My daddy told me I have a new mommy.” My daddy said he lives with my new mommy.”
“My daddy said I have to call her ‘mommy’ and I have to call you ‘stupid Joan.’ My daddy says you’re a c–t and a bad mommy so I’m going to keep you for myself.”
4-Year-Old & 6-Year-Old Boys to Mother
“My daddy said you’re breaking up the family because, ‘Mommy does not love daddy anymore. Mommy loves someone else.’”
“Daddy said you are making him cry. Daddy said, ‘Mommy and her friend will make daddy go away.’”
“Daddy said, ‘Mommy has a boyfriend and that makes her a bad mommy. The boyfriend does not like daddy and wants him to disappear. Mommy loves her boyfriend more than she loves you.’”
12-Year-Old Girl to Mother
“Your hairstyle is out of the 50’s. None of my friend’s mothers have hairstyles like you. It’s embarrassing. I won’t be seen with you in public ever again.”
7-Year-Old to Father
“I checked my schedule, and you’re not on it. Go away. It’s not your scheduled time to visit. I do not want to see you. I will let you known when I want to see you.”
12-Year-Old Girl to Father
“You’re worthless to me. What I want for Hanukah is that you burn to death slowly in a fire. I would not care if the next time I saw you it was at your funeral. I would not cry for you.”
14 and 16-Year-Old Girls to Mother
“We would not be upset if you dropped dead tomorrow. We don’t give a crap about you.”
7-Year-Old to Father
“I don’t have to be here if I don’t want to. I hate you; I hate you; I hate you. Get out of my life.” (The boy then physically attacked his father by kicking, punching, and spitting at him.)
Weak, Frivolous, Absurd Rationalizations for the Denigration
10-Year-Old to Mother, Who is a Doctor
“Your floor is too dirty for my dog to walk on. If you want me to visit you, you must put a kitchen in my bedroom so we (Rocco and I) can stay in my room for the visit.”
12-Year-Old to Mother
“You dribbled soda on your blouse during the movie. I can’t trust that you won’t be careless again. You’re old. You’re not young and hip. I’m never coming to see you again if you don’t change.”
9-Year-Old and 11-Year-Old Girls to Father
“You embarrassed us when you asked to speak to the store manager, so we’re never coming back to your sleezy apartment again.”
“Forget you have kids. Find another woman to torture like you tortured mom and have kids with her so you can forget about us.”
17-Year-Old Girl to Father
“You should have bought me that iPad out of the goodness of your heart after mom couldn’t afford her share. Why would I want to see or talk to you ever again if I can’t count on you for support?”
14-Year-Old Boy and 16-Year-Old Girl with Father
“He never abused us. Things just built up over time”
“He always makes promises never to do things again. He states that he won’t do anything bad again, but he keeps doing it over and over. There were always problems with him. There was no peace”
(These children were unable to provide specifics for what the father had allegedly done wrong)
12-Year-Old Boy with Younger Sister about Father
“He refuses to stop doing the same stuff. Every time we forgive him, he does it again. We keep giving him chances, and somehow, he just makes a mess of things. We always forgive him, and he uses us. He makes us feel unwanted.”
(These children were unable to provide specifics for what the father had allegedly done wrong)
21-Year-Old Boy to Mother
“You deserved to be hit by dad because you are a nag and you talk too much. You don’t know when to shut up.”
“You were not there for me when I was younger. My sister does not trust that you will be there for her either. That is why she’s not coming back from dad.”
7-Year-Old Boy Regarding His Father
“I hate my father because he broke into our home. And he robbed my piggy bank before he left and abandoned us.”
(The father was in the military serving overseas. The mother had locked the father out of the home and told the boy that his father had abandoned them.)
14 and 16-Year-Old Girls to Father
“The sleeping arrangements were no good; the mattresses were too soft; the sheets were too cold; the food was yucky or too hot or too cold; it was boring by you. We will never sleepover again.”
12-Year-Old Boy to Father
“I hated the Adidas sneakers you bought me because they were too expensive. You think you can buy me with gifts. You just can’t buy somebody to make things all better.”
13-Year-Old Girl to Mother
“You don’t treat me like a daughter. You think buying me a dinner will make everything right between us. You can’t build a relationship over dinner.”
8-Year-Old Girl With Mother
“My mother tries to bribe me to visit her by giving me $20. She thinks a Barbie doll will make me want to see her. She only buys me clothes to run a guilt trip on me.”
14-Year-Old Girl to Mother
“I hate you when you tell me what to do. I hate all those things you tell me to do which I hate doing. You were mean to me when made me keep my room clean.”
13-Year-Old Girl to Father
“You have such a mean face when you stare at me. You have no idea how intimidating and creepy you would look.”
“You gawked at me with those eyes when I wouldn’t clean my room. You frightened me to death.”
15-Year-Old-Girl to Mother
“You pointed at me in anger when I did something wrong. You put your teeth together and foamed at the mouth when you got mad. You pointed your finger in a malevolent way.”
14-year-Old Boy and 16-Year-Old Girl About Father
“Why can’t you just believe that he didn’t abuse me and that things just arose?”
“I can’t think of why I hate him, but I know there must be reasons or I would not feel this way.”
“Why can’t you just accept that he is just a negative person?”
“Isn’t it abuse if your father dragged you out of bed for a visit when you didn’t want to go?”
7-Year-Old Boy with Father
“My father would beat me. I can’t think of an example right now. But I know he must have beat me because my mom said he did.”
13-Year-Old Girl About Mother
“She is always making us see family we don’t want to see. How could you not get angry about that? Wouldn’t you think that’s abuse?”
12-Year-Old Girl to Father
“I peed in my pants because of you. I always got a yucky feeling when I looked at those panties.”
“Something must have happened if I feel this way. Why must I tell you what makes me feel this way about you?
14-Year-Old Girl With 4 Younger Siblings to Father
“I remember that you slapped us around a lot. I was scared of you. We were scared of you. But it happened so long ago I forgot exactly what you did to us. Why don’t you ask mom. I’m sure she remembers cuz she said she does.”
Presence of Borrowed Scenarios
5-Year-Old Boy to Father
“Mothers are more special than father’s because I came from her tummy. That’s why I should be with my mom.”
13-Year-Old Girl About Mother
“Jane [her mother] is a very good actress; she knows how to fool the therapist into believing that she really cares about her children. I see that she has fooled you.”
16-Year-Old Girl to Mother
“My dad said that your punishments don’t fit the crime. I refuse to abide by them for that reason.”
14-Year-Old Boy to Mother
“It was not a stipulation in the child support award that dad had to pay for school lunches separately. School lunches are not in addition to child support, which is already more than you deserve.”
Three Teenage Siblings to Father
“Why is it okay to give only four child-support checks in a year and a half? I read in the papers how you owe back child support and alimony. I also read you are trying to cut mom’s alimony.”
17-Year-Old-Girl to Mother
“Dad said that the child-support he pays you should go further. He said you get more than enough to pay for my driver instruction lessons and you should pay for it.”
“Dad said you are probably squirreling away the child support so you can live the life you always wanted but he couldn’t give you no matter how much he tried.”
12-Year-Old Girl to Mother
“You tricked me when you bought me that iPad. You didn’t do it out of love. You only got it for me so that I would see you.”
6-Year-Old Girl to Mother
“My daddy says he can’t buy me a Barbie doll for my birthday because you stole all his money.”
“My daddy says you abandoned me. You threw me away.
17-Year-Old Girl to Mother
“What kind of mother would desert her children by studying for her college degree? That’s why WE had to divorce you.”
12-Year-Old Girl to Mother
“You are not normal. You have to live with your sister. Aren’t you ashamed of yourself for having to live with auntie? Why can’t you keep a man and have a normal married life like dad does?”
8-Year-Old Girl Reported to Have Said to Father
While watching the Sleeping Beauty movie with her father, the girl said to him, “The prince will not come back for her. He’s going to abandon her.”
5-Year-Old Boy About Father
“Daddy is never sorry for missing my games. He is never sorry for anything. He always has to be right.”
(The mother never informed the father of their son’s games.)
15-Year-Old Girl to Father
“You lie about your concern for your children. You give your children doubts that you love them.”
12-Year-Old Girl to Father
“When I was 5-years-old, I know you tried to trade me for the boy next door.”
16-Year-Old Girl to Father
“I know you want to sodomize my stepbrother and then cut him into little pieces.”
7-Year-Old Girl to Mother
“My dad says the swimming pool that you take me to is dangerous for me and that you never remembered to put sunscreen on me.”
12-Year-Old Girl to Father
“When I was born, I know you were drunk in the delivery.”
Repetitive Borrowed Scenarios Commonly Made by Alienated Children
- He/she is faking by pretending to care about me.
- He/she is not benefiting from his/her anger management classes.
- He/she deserves an Academy Award for pretending to be nice in front of you.
- This is not the way he/she is inside. He/she fools everyone by pretending to care.
- He/she has fooled you like he/she has fooled everyone else.
- We can’t count on him/her; he/she is not trustworthy.
- He/she is not exactly the father/mother of the year.
- His/her attitude changes. He/she’s not like this at home.
- He/she knows how to fool a therapist.
Lack of Ambivalence
13-Year-Old and 15-Year-Old Boys to Mother
“We were just pretending to enjoy buying the camping equipment. We never wanted to go camping in the first place.”
“It’s time you realized that there is nothing we enjoy doing with you, so you might as well forget about us. We are not going to any more camping with trips with you.”
12-Year-Old Girl to Mother
“Your values are not like dad’s or mine. Dad is above reproach. He is of good moral character.”
“You have never been my role model, you aren’t now, and you never will be! My stepmother is my role-model.”
12-Year-Old Girl About Father
“My father is of little importance to me. I never had any use for him. I could take him or leave him—mostly leave him. I could have a very productive and satisfying life if he only left me out of his.”
Three Siblings Ages 10, 12, & 15 to Father
“Our mom is always there for us; she is responsible, respectful, caring, and selfless at all times! We wouldn’t change a thing about her. Life with her is terrific! It’s been peachy! We don’t have any use for you and we don’t miss you.”
Reflexive Support of the Alienating Parent
16-Year-Old Boy to Father
“Mom told us if we don’t keep the visits you, she will have her thrown in jail. Why would you punish her for our choice not to see you? If you send her to jail, we will never see or talk to you again.”
16 and 14-Year-Old Siblings to Mother
“If you make dad pay this fine for his not making us see you, you’re taking food out of our mouths.”
12-Year-Old Girl to Mother
“You never did your wifely duties, if you know what I mean. No wonder dad was unhappy. That’s why we divorced you.”
15-Year-Old Girl to Mother
“You keep saying dad alienated us. He didn’t.”
“If you only looked in the mirror you will see why we grew to hate you and chose not to see you.”
“Stop blaming dad. Dad always encouraged us to see you. He doesn’t care one way or another about our relationship with you.”
Repetitive Examples of the Independent Thinker Phenomenon Said by Children of All Ages
“It makes us mad that you keep saying in Court we are alienated.”
“If anything, telling the judge we’re alienated makes us alienated.”
“We have not heard anything we told you from dad/mom. We have minds of our own. We were not influenced to say anything we said.”
“You must think I’m stupid since you think mom/dad tells me what to think about you. That is just another issue I am adding to my complaint list about you.”
Cruelty Towards the Alienated Parent Without Guilt or Remorse
Repetitive Comments Expressed by Alienated Children of All Ages
“You brought this on yourself. I won’t apologize, and I’ll hit you again if you come near me.”
“You don’t deserve my respect and civility. I’ll let you know if and when you have earned it.”
“God is punishing you for taking us back to Court. I hope your life is as miserable as you made mom’s.”
“You’re overreacting. My punch was not that hard. You’re such a baby.”
“I will kick you again if you take my phone away.”
“I am behaving perfectly OK. I am being taught good manners by my father. You deserve my rejection.”
“You are just faking you are hurt to impress the therapist. You deserve to loose your parenting time.”
“You are just trying to make mom look bad. It was just a love tap I gave you.”
“If you scream ‘ouch’ once more when I pull your hair, I am never coming to see you again.”
Independent Thinker Phenomenon
8-Year-Old Speaking for Himself and Siblings, 6 and 4-Years-of-Age About Father
“Our daddy does not feed us on his visits. We were thinking you would want to know this. No one told us to say this!”
12-Year-Old Boy About Father
“My mother is not trying to alienate me from my father. My mother didn’t say anything bad about him or that I should not see him. She tells me I should go on the visits if I want to.”
13-Year-Old Boy to Mother
“My dad is not controlling me. My dad is not trying to turn me against you, and he’s not trying to make me hate your new boyfriend. He tells me to go on my visits with you and him—if I want to. But I don’t want to. It’s my choice not to see you.”
14-Year-Old Girl to Mother
“My father wants me to have a relationship with you. He tells me to go with you if I want to. But I choose not to go. It’s not my father’s idea. You keep blaming him. It’s not him. It’s me. I chose not to go with you.”
15-Year-Old to Father
“I don’t know why you say mom is coaching us. You keep thinking our mom is making us do this. But she’s not.”
“It’s like we’re being told by our mother what to say. Like our mother is making us do this. It’s just the opposite. Our mother tells us to go. She’s not controlling our actions.”
“Why do you think our mother is telling us to say bad things about you? But she’s not badmouthing you. That’s the problem with you, you don’t trust that it’s our own thoughts.”
15-Year-Old to Father
“It’s our words! We are not alienated. We don’t believe you when you say that you will stop saying we are alienated.”
“We have told you over and over that our mother never did anything to alienate us. How many times must we say this before you are convinced?”
14-Year-Old to Mother
“Once and for all, accept that we can think for ourselves. Dad did not brainwash us. It’s you trying to brainwash the judge.”
Examples of the Independent Thinker Phenomenon Made by Alienated Children of All Ages
“Mom/dad tells us we can have a relationship with you if we want to. But WE don’t want to. It’s our choice. We have our rights.”
“We know the age in this state that the judge must listen to our wishes. Mom/dad never told us that.”
“Stop trying to look good for the judge by blaming mom/dad for the situation. He/she is not responsible for our feelings about you.”
“We told our lawyer the truth about you and that it was all our ideas.”
“Our lawyer will set the judge straight that it’s OUR own feelings about you and our own choice to have nothing to do with you.”
Spread of the Denigration to Family and Friends of the Alienated Parent
14-Year-Old to Father
“I don’t remember your witch-of-a-wife being ever nice to me. I will not sleep over if she is in your house.”
8-Year-Old to Mother
“Granny violates my space by hugging me. I will not see her unless she promises to keep a safe distance between us.”
“I don’t know what a safe distance is, but dad will tell her.”
6-Year-Old to Father
“Grandma has an official record of all the times you hit mommy in the stomach when I was in her. Grandma says she is going to send you up the river. Good for her. What does it mean to send you up the river?”
16-Year-Old to Mother
“Your sister is not part of my family. Family means love and caring. Your sister never treated me like a niece when she helped you make all my birthday parties. So I don’t consider her my aunt.”
Pathological Enmeshment
14 and 16-Year-Old Siblings to Father
“We talked to our mother, and we agreed that the change in parenting schedule we are offering you is much better for us and for her. We decided that it was good for everybody except for you. Take it or leave it.”
13-Year-Old to Father
“I have reviewed your financial settlement offer to mom, and it doesn’t due her justice. If it weren’t for her helping you with your business, you would have gone bankrupt. It is only fitting for you to double your offer to her. If you do not do this now, I will not see you again.”
11-Year-Old to Mother
“Dad showed me the banking statements. It is clear that you took all the money and gave it to your lawyer in order to bankrupt dad.”
13-Year-Old-Girl to Father
“I don’t remember any details of you how sexually abused me since I was 8. But I do remember recently talking about it with mom, so I know you must have done it.”
Overempowerment
12-Year-Old to Father
“I will not come back see you, unless you promise not to come to my bat mitsvah.”
14-Year-Old to Mother
“If you ever try to hug me again, I will file a CPS report of sexual abuse.”
8-Year-Old to Mother
“My communion is off limits to you.”
9-Year-Old to Father
“What’s it to you if my mom changed my last name at school. It’s all about what I want. Who cares about what you want.”
11-Year-Old to Mother
“You lied to the judge when you told him that you were the primary caretaker. Dad did everything for us. You were running around with your friends having a good time. It was too much work for you to do anything for us.”
Amnesia About a Prior Positive Relationship
Declared by Alienated Children of All Ages
“I only smiled in the pictures because you held a gun to my head if I didn’t.”
“I didn’t know any better when I said I loved you. Now I can see who you really are.”
“I told my therapist that the vacations were only fun because mom/dad was also there. I never had a good time with you on vacations.”
Conclusion
To anyone listening to the absurdities expressed by alienated children, it’s obvious they’ve been brainwashed. How come the professionals miss it?
